Classic political rock band ‘The Leaders of Unionism’ delighted their followers by announcing the band (feel free to insert rabble) are getting back together.
They met up earlier to get some publicity shots done and announce their upcoming tour. The intern reporter from Rolling Stone magazine, Isla Geetarz, interviewed the guys though admitted after that maybe she was too young to understand who the band were.
“Yeah, they kept talking about Sea Borders and Protocols” she said “Maybe it was the name of their new album, I’m not sure. I did say their band seemed very old-male heavy and asked them if they ever thought of getting a female vocalist into the group, but they just all went quiet.”
“The posh looking one, Jeffrey I think, told me he’d a signed picture of Queen, I asked ‘Freddie Mercury?’ but he said no, it was the actual queen”.
So far the Tour is likely to be quite limited, mainly due to nobody wanting to pay money to hear the same ‘oul shite we heard 40 years ago. ‘The Leaders of Unionism’ are set to go ahead with it anyway.
Some have suggested the group have only reformed due to the abject failure of lead singer Jeffrey’s solo career.
The band have confirmed two venues so far. “Just Westminster and Stormont probably, and maybe Jeffrey’s house. He says he’s a signed picture of the Queen, but I’ve a tenner on that he’s yanking our chain” said Doug ‘Chords’ Beattie. A spokesperson for the band later confirmed they had no gigs planned in Dublin or the surrounding areas.
Asked to describe their sound or influences, Jim Allister said ‘A mix of old school Paisley, old school blackboard being scraped, and ABBA.”
When asked why they’d split up and went their separate ways in the first place the band were evasive. “Now, now that’s all water under the Boyne Bridge now” laughed Jeffrey ‘Poshboy’ Donaldson. “The most important thing is Opposing the protocol. It’s going to be our best and most important work yet. There couldn’t possibly be anything that comes between us this time”.
“I’ve actually suggested an alternative to the…”
“Sshhhh” said the other three in unison when Doug Beattie went to speak.
“I totally agree with Jeremy”. Said Billy ‘Surprised to be here’ Hutchinson.
He went on to admit the call to involve him came at the last minute “Yeah so Jeff told me he needed to make the numbers up to 4 because Jim Allister thinks odd numbers are a Sinn Fein/IRA conspiracy. Everyone thinks the PUP don’t really exist anymore, but we do. Besides, who’s going to do security at the street protests at our gigs if I’m left out. I know all the hard lads, well, the ones that aren’t about to do some serious time. Really I’m just glad to be on the TV again.”
The band’s reunion has not been met with universal approval. Michelle O’Neill, lead vocalist of Prog Rock band, Sinn Fein, said “What a bunch of dicks. We’ll sit back with our feet up and let them tear each other apart on stage. There’s already rumours of arguments between Doug, Jeffrey and Jim over lead vocals. Doug thinks it should be him because he got most likes on Facebook, and Jim Allister thinks it should be him because he has the loudest voice and reddest face. Jeffrey just assumes it’ll be him because he’s the poshest.”
Whatever the outcome the tour is likely to cause controversy given their set list with fan favourites such as ‘We have the right to petrol shortages too’, ‘Fuck the Sea Border’ and their cover of ‘Bad Habits’ by Ed Sheeran.
MJS
MJS Writing 