In an times shocking interview, former Irish taoiseach Bertie Ahern was deeply critical of the P.U.L. community in Northern Ireland over Brexit and the NI Protocol.
Describing ‘Loyalist’ housing estates as ‘ghettos’, he pointedly explained how stupid he feels they are. ” Go into them smelly protestant ghettos and they haven’t a clue about the NI Protocol” he said. “But then they wouldn’t know about Pythagoras Theorum, the periodic table or f**k all else either.”
“Its well known that catholics live in much nicer areas across the North, and the south of Ireland has eradicated shite houses, so it goes to show it must be a protestant thing.”
Unionist Response
The comments have been strongly criticised by members of all the main Unionist Parties, the DUP, the UUP and the PUP.
DUP leader, Jeffrey Donaldson strongly believes there is no merit in the comments. “Irish people don’t have the first clue about the Unionist community. For starters, I got an A in my 11 plus, so ha! Also, I most certainly do not live in a ghetto, I have extensive private lands. Edwin Poots on the other hand, his house literally smells of cow poop” he chuckled.
Found lazing on a bench in botanic gardens, UUP Leader Doug Beattie asked for patience until he finished rolling his joint.
“Sorry man I can’t do two things at once, it messes with my karma man. Bernie who? Oh Bertie man. Yeah man he gotta chill, am I right? Too much anger man, he just gotta chill. Peace and love man that’s what I say to Bertie. You need peace and love.” He said as his eyes began to glaze over.
Sinn Fein backs Bertie Ahern
Sinn Finn leader in Northern Ireland, Michelle O’Neill gave her backing to the comments.
“He was right and the Unionists know it. They haven’t a fucking clue about the NI protocol. None of us do, so technically he’s right, the pro.. eh… Loyalists don’t know about it either. Plus, some of the places they live are sh*tholes. Granted, that’s because some of our boys bombed them to f**k, but still.”
Self proclaimed leader of the Loyalist Community, Billy Hutchinson of the PUP was damning in his criticism.
“Bertie Ahern is a nobody. I can’t even pronounce his job title fer fuck sake. Listen, most of our boys might not know what the fuck the protocol is all about, but my mate Mervyn does. He’s crazy smart about economics and bespoke trade agreements, and he said it’s a f**king mess, and that’s good enough for me. “
“As for the rest of the guys, they know how to get a good fire going on a bus. Even Dirty Bertie can’t deny that one” he said with a wink.
When asked to withdraw his comments and asked whether he thought they could be construed to be sectarian, Bertie Ahern was unrepentant.
“There’s not a single sectarian bone in my body. It’s just them prods are a right shower of moany bastards.”
The controversy looks set to rumble on amidst the ongoing negotiations around the NI protocol. After the EU suggested that people should be ‘prepared for war’ over the negotiations, many feel Bertie Aherns input is also unhelpful, irrelevant, clueless and he’s not involved in it so should just keep his f**king sectarian nose out of it.
MJS
MJS Writing 