Rumours circulated today that Priti Patel plans to announce a leadership bid within the coming days.
A source close to Ms Patel claims “She has been rounding up allies and counting bodies to see if she has the support to make a bid – but only if she has a strong chance of success”.
If Ms Patel were to be successful, she would be the first ever woman to be placed in charge of Hell.
Current leader, The Devil, dismissed the rumours as ‘scurrilous gossip” which he feels is an attempt to undermine his leadership.
Privately though it’s believed that The Devil is extremely worried about the ambitious Ms Patel. One source claimed Mr Devil said in a private meeting that ‘Priti’s Rwanda immigration plan alone makes her overly qualified for being in charge of hell. We have to admit we’ve down some extreme things down here, but that Rwanda plan is some next level stuff. Also, I mean f**king hell, she wanted to use Navy ships against people in rubber dinghies.”
An announcement is set to go ahead early next week with Ms Patel believing her current job in charge of destroying immigrants makes her ideally suited for the role in hell.
When asked to comment Ms Patel said that she full supports her current boss, The Devil, and will continue to work together with him “to make things as difficult and horrible for other people as possible.”
It was thought that the current Home Secretary of the U.K. may have manoeuvred for a Conservative Party leadership bid, presumably being put off because laws prevent her from doing as much damage to poor people as she’d like.
MJS
MJS Writing 