A poll released today showed a huge rise across Northern Ireland in support for a United Ireland after an extra holiday announcement from the Irish Government.
The poll, which was commissioned by polling experts, Ipso Dipso, showed support for a United Ireland now running around 93% in some areas.
The shocking increase was prompted by Irish Tanaiste, Leo Varadkar, announcing a public holiday would be added on 1st February and would be St Brigid’s day.
Tanaiste Varadkar also announced an extra holiday in March this year to celebrate the work of health service staff and to remember all those who had died as a result of covid. Ipso Dipso spokesperson, Ellie Infango, said they were surprised by the results as much as anyone and believed the margin of error would not be more than 3-4% points.
Unionist Support for a United Ireland increases
“We couldn’t believe it to be honest” said Ellie, “but the increase seems to have come from right across the religious and political spectrum. We had many Unionists who made clear they now felt they had been wrong to support the Union with Britain, after hearing of the impending 4 day Irish weekend in March.”
“In fact many Nationalists support for a United Ireland had wavered after hearing the news. One participant from a Nationalist background stated that it took him 3 weeks to recover from St Paddys day as it is, without adding another day for drinking.”
Border Poll imminent
There were widespread reports today that many unionist politicians had been inundated with requests from their constituents to change their mind on staying within the U.K. Many were threatened that they would be punished at the next election if they didn’t call a border poll immediately.
Sandy Row goes Green, White and Orange
Sam Mulryne, the owner of the Sandy Row Rangers Supporters Club announced a drastic change to their colour scheme at the club.
“Yeah, so the last time we’d a tricolour in here it was just to burn it, but we’ve already got the guys in to get the painting done. This wall will be green, this one will be white and then an orange feature wall on this side. The painters thought I was taking the piss, but once I showed them the news they were straight down the dulux centre. There’s talk St Brigids day holiday might not start until 2023, but I think that would be disrespectful to such a dear, cherished saint, so it would.”
There are concerns that not all their customers might be just as comfortable sitting in the green, white and orange club, given their historical opposition, but Mr Mulryne was quick to dispute this.
“Listen, we’re all man enough to admit we were wrong. The tricolour has orange in it, so you could actually say it’s more protestant than the Union Jack. Maybe them there fenia… eh.. fellow citizens were right after all. January is a bastard of a month so to get a holiday on 1st February and then again in March would be powerful altogether.” he said as one of the painters walked past with a number of framed pictures of the Queen.
“Them ones are for the skip, we’ve got some lovely canvas pictures of Leo Varadkar to go up in their place”
Sinn Féin frustrated
When asked if she was happy with the results of the latest poll, Sinn Fein Leader in Northen Ireland, Michelle O’Neill was down hearted.
“Well yeah, it’s good and all that like but we wanted to be the ones who won a United Ireland. Now all the Unionists want it too, it’s kinda lost a bit of it’s shine if I’m completely honest. Leo Varadkar has really sh*t on our parade with this announcement. Not sure we’ll even support a border poll in these circumstances.”
It would seem that a border poll will be announced imminently with New-United Irelanders particularly pushing for a poll in time for the 1st February holiday date.
Reports from Westminster suggest Boris Johnson has asked if it could even take place today or in the morning, saying “I don’t care if we give Northern Ireland away, I need something – anything – to take the news focus away from me”