Priti Patel plotting to “imminently announce a leadership bid”
Rumours circulated today that Priti Patel plans to announce a leadership bid within the coming days. A source close to Ms Patel claims “She has been rounding up allies and counting bodies to see if she has the support to make a bid – but only if she has a strong chance of success”. If…
Belfast Catwalk Week 2022 comes to an end
The annual Belfast Catwalk Week 2022 came to a close at the weekend with some stunning outdoor catwalk parades attracting crowds from near and nearer. Organiser of one of the shows which brought the weekend of famous ‘Catwalk Parades’ to a close, Seamy McKalash said ‘This weekend has been a roaring success. I am so…
Loyalists reject Doug Beattie noose claims
Sources within the Loyalist community today distanced themselves from any suggestion an election poster of Doug Beattie had a noose added to it. Talking after last nights Anti-Protocol rally in Lurgan, local ‘community activist’ Uri Vincent Ferguson said that a rope had been added to allow the organisers to raise the poster of the UUP…
Violent attack used to prove protests are peaceful
Doug Beattie’s constituency office was attacked this morning in an attempt to prove NI Protocol protestors are non-violent. Having refused to attend any future NI protocol rallies saying that they are simply ‘anti-good friday agreement’ and designed to ‘raise the temperature’, the UUP leader was quickly condemned by rally organisers. “We’re dead peaceful” said local…
Jim Allister praises Green Party MLAs
Jim Allister heaped praise on the Green Party today after their MLAs successfully steered two bills through at Stormont. One bill allows for ‘Safe Access Zones’ outside healthcare clinics where women avail of abortion services, and the other allows 10 days of leave from work for victims of domestic abuse. Performing a stunning U-Turn after…
Police Ombudsman collusion report described as ‘clear as a puddle of sh*te’
There was widespread confusion across Northern Ireland after the publication of a report on RUC-Loyalist collusion by Police Ombudsman, Mrs Marie Anderson. The report describes ‘collusive behaviours’ by the RUC at the time of UDA/UFF murders in the late 80’s and early 90’s. Unionist scepticism Both sides of the political divide in Northern Ireland claimed…
Leading bands announce NI Protocol Aid 2022
Rumours circulated today about the organising of a large concert to increase attention of, and bring aid to, those deeply affected by the N.I. Protocol. Olde Time Rockers ‘Leaders of Unionism’ are understood to have agreed to headline the event, with backing from modern electro-rock group ‘Protestant Action Force’. The man leading attempts to bring…
Unionists eager for world to end
Unionist political parties united yesterday to demand that the NI assembly at Stormont pushes forward in assisting an earlier end to the world than required. Voting on an amendment tabled by the Green Party NI (now referring to themselves as GPNI in case Jim Allister thinks Green Party refers to Nationalism or Catholicism) committing to…
Sinn Fein consider returning salaries
Sinn Fein Leader in Northern Ireland, Michelle O’Neill, suggested that her party may consider returning all of their MLA salaries for the past 6 months. When asked why this was being considered, Ms. O’Neill spoke about the difficulties within both main Unionist parties. “Without suggesting that our team of MLAs are not ready to work,…
Support for United Ireland surges after extra holiday pledge
A poll released today showed a huge rise across Northern Ireland in support for a United Ireland after an extra holiday announcement from the Irish Government. The poll, which was commissioned by polling experts, Ipso Dipso, showed support for a United Ireland now running around 93% in some areas. The shocking increase was prompted by…
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